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Expert Advice on How to Make Friends (September 2024 Newsletter)

Writer's picture: laceysquierlaceysquier

Updated: Jan 23

Dear neighbors, 

 

Marisa G. Franco is a psychologist and expert in belonging and human connection, particularly as it relates to forming new adult friendships. She is the author of the book Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make – and Keep – Friends (you better believe I've placed an order for this book with Jordyn at Piragis Northwoods Company!). 

 

At the foundation of Marisa's message is this the notion that “There's an ancient truth we've long buried: we need an entire community to feel whole.” Indeed, friendship is about more than the pleasure of connection. Connection is essential to our individual and collective wellbeing. 

 

I encourage y'all to watch the video linked below, titled The Secret to Making New Friends as an Adult with Marisa G. Franco



If you didn't watch, however, allow me to summarize key points:

 

  1. Friendship does not happen organically in adulthood. Friendship happens based on effort. 


  2. We have a tendency to underestimate how much another person likes us. In other words, we are less likely to be rejected than we think (and a declined invitation does not necessarily equate to rejection -- people are busy!!). 


  3. We have to ready ourselves to engage in new connections with optimism and hope. In other words, we have to turn away from the part of ourselves that is fearful, mistrustful, and assumes people will reject us. 


  4. Building a new friendship requires going beyond showing up; you have to engage with people once you get there. 


  5. Connecting with someone new is not about impressing or entertaining them, it's about making them feel valued. Strike a conversation, make an invitation, and tell them what you appreciate about them. 


  6. If you're looking to make friends, a good idea is to join something that is repeated over time. 

How lucky are we that we live in an area with so many fun gatherings that repeat over time?! If you're reading this, please respond by letting me know what repetitive gatherings have helped you in making friends. I'd love to have those ideas in my back pocket for when I have one on one coffee dates with new residents. 

 

Speaking of new residents, perhaps I'll see you at the upcoming New Resident Social on Tuesday, October 1 at the Ely Folk School from 5:00pm to 7:00pm. The first hour will be a casual opportunity to mix and mingle (complete with free food and beverage). The second hour will be some group discussion on what it's like to be new, and a rousing game of JEOPARD[EL]Y. 

 

Keep scrolling to learn about an additional handful of upcoming social events, including but not limited to the Beaver Tales: Wilderness Storytelling event taking place this Saturday at Ely's Historic State Theater.

 

In friendship, 


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